Chapter 5: The Messages She Deleted
“What messages?”” I asked.
My voice sounded strangely distant.
Ryan looked at me, then at Daniel.
For a moment, he seemed to be weighing whether telling me would make everything worse.
Then he took a breath.
“The messages between Megan and Daniel.””
Daniel immediately shook his head.
“Ryan, don't do this.””
I stared at my husband.
“You said you didn't know what she was planning tonight.””
“I didn't.””
“That isn't what I asked.””
He closed his eyes.
Ryan's expression hardened.
“She showed me a message on her phone a few weeks ago. She was trying to convince me that Daniel was only being friendly because he felt sorry for her.””
Megan looked furious.
“I did not show you anything like that.””
“You did,” Ryan replied.
“You were trying to make me jealous.””
“That's a lie.””
“You held your phone in front of my face and said, 'See? At least someone knows how to listen.''”
Ryan shook his head.
“I remember because we fought about it for two hours.””
I looked at Daniel.
“Did you message her?””
He didn't answer.
That was enough.
My chest tightened, and I pressed my fingers against my lips.
I had spent the entire evening trying to understand why Megan had chosen to humiliate me in front of thirty people.
Now I was learning that she and Daniel had been communicating privately.
Perhaps the moment at dinner wasn't the beginning of anything.
Perhaps it was the first time she had decided to make sure I knew.
“How long?”” I asked.
Daniel stepped closer.
“It's not what you think.””
“Please stop saying that.””
He stopped.
“How long have you been messaging my best friend about our marriage?””
He looked at the pavement.
“Several weeks.””
I felt the words settle over me.
Several weeks.
Several weeks of ordinary mornings, shared dinners, and evenings when I sat beside him on the couch believing we were still working through our problems together.
Several weeks when I had called Megan to talk about my feelings.
Several weeks when she had listened, knowing she was also talking to my husband.
“What did you talk about?”” I asked.
“Mostly our arguments.””
“Mostly?””
He swallowed.
“Sometimes she asked how I was doing.””
“And you answered.””
“Yes.””
“Did you tell her you loved me?””
He looked up, startled.
“Of course I did.””
“Did you tell her you wanted to fix our marriage?””
“Yes.””
“Then why were you discussing our problems with her instead of me?””
His face crumpled.
“Because I was embarrassed.””
That answer surprised me.
He continued before I could respond.
“I knew we hadn't been communicating well. I felt like every conversation turned into another argument. Megan listened without judging me.””
I stared at him.
“And you didn't think about how that would affect me?””
“I didn't think it through.””
“No. You didn't think about me.””
He flinched.
Ryan held up his phone.
“There's something else.””
Megan stepped forward.
“Ryan, don't.””
He looked at her.
“You don't get to decide what she deserves to know.””
Then he turned the screen toward me.
It was a screenshot of a message.
The contact name was Daniel.
The date was several weeks earlier.
Megan had written:
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we'd met under different circumstances.
Daniel's reply was visible beneath it.
We met when we met. You're my wife's best friend.
I read the words twice.
For a brief moment, I felt relief.
He had acknowledged the boundary.
He had reminded her of our relationship.
But then I noticed the next message.
Megan had written:
That isn't an answer.
Daniel had replied:
I don't know what you want me to say.
I stared at the screen.
Those words weren't an explicit declaration of love.
They weren't a promise.
They weren't proof of an affair.
But they weren't the firm rejection I had hoped to see, either.
“What did you mean by that?”” I asked.
Daniel looked at the screenshot.
“I was trying not to make things worse.””
“You could have said you loved me and had no interest in her.””
“I know.””
“You could have told her never to speak to you like that again.””
“I know.””
“Instead, you told her you didn't know what to say.””
He lowered his head.
“I handled it badly.””
Megan crossed her arms.
“Because he didn't want to hurt my feelings.””
I turned toward her.
“Why would he need to protect your feelings about wanting him?””
She stared at me.
For once, she didn't have an immediate answer.
Ryan let out a bitter laugh.
“That's what I've been asking myself for months.””
Megan rounded on him.
“You're enjoying this, aren't you?””
“No.””
“Then why are you doing this to me?””
“Because I'm tired of wondering whether I'm the only person in our marriage who thinks we're supposed to be faithful to each other.””
Her face hardened.
“You're making this sound like I've slept with him.””
“Have you?””
The question hung in the air.
Megan looked offended.
“Absolutely not.””
Ryan watched her carefully.
“Have you kissed him?””
“No!””
“Have you ever met him alone without telling your wife?””
She opened her mouth.
Then stopped.
I felt my stomach turn.
“Daniel?””
He looked at me.
“We had coffee once.””
The world seemed to tilt.
“Where?””
“At a coffee shop near my office.””
“When?””
“About three weeks ago.””
I stared at him.
“You met Megan alone?””
“She said she wanted to talk about something.””
“And you didn't tell me?””
“I knew you'd be upset.””
I laughed, but the sound broke halfway through.
“You knew I'd be upset, so you hid it.””
“I wasn't trying to hide it.””
“Then why didn't I know?””
He had no answer.
Megan suddenly looked defensive.
“It wasn't a date.””
“I didn't ask whether it was a date,” I replied.
“We talked for twenty minutes. That's all.””
“About what?””
She looked at Daniel.
He shook his head slightly, almost imperceptibly.
I saw it.
So did Ryan.
“Don't look at him,” Ryan said.
“Answer her.””
Megan's jaw tightened.
“We talked about our marriages.””
“Both of them?”” I asked.
“Yes.””
“And did you tell him you wanted to be with him?””
“No.””
“Did you tell him you wished you had married him instead?””
She looked away.
I felt the answer before she spoke.
“Not in those words.””
Ryan stared at her.
“What does that mean?””
“It means I was talking about how different our lives might have been.””
“Your lives with whom?”” I asked.
She looked at me, and her expression shifted into something almost cruel.
“Don't pretend you've never wondered whether you married the right person.””
The question hit a place I wasn't prepared to defend.
Of course I had wondered.
Everyone who had ever loved someone deeply probably knew that fear.
There had been difficult days in my marriage when I wondered whether Daniel and I could overcome our differences.
But those moments had never made me feel entitled to someone else's husband.
And they had never made me believe that betraying my best friend was acceptable.
“Wondering isn't the same as acting,” I said.
Megan scoffed.
“Nothing happened.””
“You sat on my husband in front of thirty people after telling him you wanted to test my trust.””
“I was proving a point.””
“What point?””
“That you're not as secure in your marriage as you pretend to be.””
The cruelty of the answer left me speechless.
Ryan took a step back, staring at his wife as if he were seeing her clearly for the first time.
Megan seemed to realize she had said too much.
She immediately softened her voice.
“I didn't mean it like that.””
But the damage was done.
I looked at Daniel.
“Did you know she was trying to prove something about me?””
“No.””
“Did you know she had feelings for you?””
He hesitated.
“I suspected she might.””
I stared at him.
“You suspected?””
“I didn't know for sure.””
“But you suspected.””
“Yes.””
I took a deep breath.
For twelve years, I had believed Megan was the person I could trust when I felt insecure.
I had never imagined that she might be the person creating those insecurities.
I turned toward Ryan.
“Thank you for telling me.””
He nodded, looking exhausted.
Then I faced Megan.
“I don't know what happens to our friendship after tonight.””
She laughed bitterly.
“Fine. Throw away twelve years because I made one mistake.””
“One mistake?”” I repeated.
“The messages. The coffee. The lap.
The recording. How many separate choices do you need to make before you stop calling them one mistake?””
She looked at me with furious eyes.
For a second, I thought she might finally tell me what she really wanted.
Instead, she turned to Daniel.
“Tell her what you said to me at the coffee shop.””
Daniel went rigid.
“Don't.””
My heart began pounding again.
“What did he say?””
Megan smiled faintly.
It wasn't the triumphant smile from dinner.
It was the expression of someone who had found one last weapon.
“You should ask your husband why he never told you what he said when I asked whether he was happy with you.””
Daniel stepped toward her.
“Megan, stop.””
She ignored him.
“Because he didn't give me the answer you think he did.””
I looked at Daniel.
May you like
He couldn't meet my eyes.
And in that moment, I understood that the messages weren't the only thing he had been keeping from me.
