Chapter 2: The Things He Was Preparing to Leave Behind
I didn't open the envelope.
Not because I wasn't curious.
Because I was afraid that once I read those words, I would never be able to look at my husband the same way again.
Instead, I placed it carefully back on the bedside table.
“I'm taking you home.””
Nolan shook his head.
“Emily, I have an appointment this afternoon.””
“Then I'll drive you.””
“You don't have to rearrange your day.””
I looked at him.
“Do you hear yourself?””
He fell silent.
For eleven years, Nolan had been the person who told everyone else what to do.
He was the surgeon who could walk into a room full of frightened relatives and make them believe everything would be okay.
But sitting there in his hospital scrubs, he looked like a man who had forgotten how to ask for help.
I pulled a chair beside his bed.
“Tell me everything.””
He looked at Marcus.
“Could you give us a minute?””
Marcus nodded.
Before leaving, he touched my shoulder.
“Emily, I'm sorry.””
I looked at him.
“Thank you for telling me.””
The door closed.
Nolan stared at his hands.
“The first symptoms started about a year ago.””
I felt my throat tighten.
“What symptoms?””
“Stomach pain. Nausea. I thought it was stress. Then I started losing weight.””
“How much?””
“About twenty pounds.””
I stared at him.
Twenty pounds.
I'd noticed his shirts hanging looser. I'd even bought him smaller ones because I thought he'd been exercising more.
“You told me you were eating at the hospital.””
“I was.””
“Were you?””
He hesitated.
“Sometimes.””
I pressed my lips together.
“When did you find out?””
“February.””
February.
Our daughter had turned eight in March.
I remembered Nolan sitting beside her at the kitchen table, helping her decorate cupcakes for school.
He'd smiled when she covered his nose with frosting.
I'd taken a picture.
Now I wondered whether he'd already known.
“Why didn't you tell me before Hazel's birthday?””
Nolan's eyes filled.
“I wanted one normal birthday with her.””
I turned away.
He reached for my hand.
“Emily.””
I pulled it back, not because I didn't love him, but because I couldn't bear to be gentle with him yet.
“You let me think you didn't care.””
“I never stopped caring.””
“You missed our anniversary.””
“I know.””
“You missed Thanksgiving.””
“I know.””
“You weren't there when Hazel cried because you forgot to come to her school performance.””
Nolan lowered his head.
“I know.””
“She waited by the classroom door for forty minutes. She kept saying Daddy was probably parking.””
His shoulders began to shake.
I continued because the words had been trapped inside me for months.
“I told her you were busy saving people. I defended you every time she asked why you weren't home. I told myself I was being selfish for wanting more of you.””
Nolan covered his face.
“I am sorry.””
I stared at him.
“You don't get to decide that your absence is easier for us than the truth.””
“I know.””
“No, Nolan. You don't.””
He looked up.
“I was terrified.””
The anger inside me faltered.
He took a breath.
“When the doctor told me, I couldn't hear anything after the word cancer. I kept thinking about Hazel. I kept thinking about you. I was supposed to be the person who protected you both.””
His voice broke.
“And suddenly, I couldn't even protect myself.””
I sat back.
For a few seconds, neither of us spoke.
Then I asked the question I'd been avoiding.
“What did the doctors say?””
Nolan rubbed his eyes.
“They found a tumor in my pancreas. It had spread to my liver.””
I pressed my hand against my mouth.
“They started chemotherapy immediately. I've been trying different treatment combinations.””
“Have they helped?””
“Somewhat.””
“Somewhat?””
“The tumor has responded in certain areas. But not enough.””
I looked toward the window.
Outside, a helicopter moved slowly above the city.
“What happens now?””
“Another scan. Another consultation. Possibly a clinical trial.””
“Then we'll do it.””
He looked at me.
“Emily—”
“We'll find the best doctors. We'll get second opinions. We'll do whatever we need to do.””
He shook his head.
“I don't want you spending every day chasing impossible promises.””
I leaned closer.
“I don't want you making decisions for our family without us.””
He looked away.
I reached for the lunch bag.
The peach cobbler had shifted, but the container hadn't opened.
“I brought you this.””
Nolan looked at it.
“Your peach cobbler?””
I nodded.
He smiled faintly.
“You always put too much cinnamon in it.””
“That's because you always steal the first bite before it cools.””
He laughed.
A small, familiar laugh.
Then he started crying again.
I opened the container and placed it on his lap.
“Eat.””
He took one bite.
Then another.
And for the first time in months, I watched my husband eat something I'd made without pretending he wasn't hungry.
That evening, I drove home alone.
Nolan had insisted on staying for his appointment and another round of tests.
The house looked exactly as I'd left it that morning.
Hazel's pink backpack sat beside the stairs.
A pair of Nolan's running shoes rested near the front door.
His coffee mug was still in the dishwasher.
Ordinary things.
The kind of things you never notice until you suddenly realize they might not be there forever.
I stood in the kitchen for several minutes before opening the refrigerator.
Inside was a container of leftover soup I'd made for Nolan the previous night.
I'd written his name on the lid.
I started crying.
Not quietly.
Not gracefully.
I cried with both hands gripping the kitchen counter, my shoulders shaking, until I heard a small voice behind me.
“Mom?””
I turned.
Hazel stood in the doorway holding her stuffed rabbit.
She was wearing her favorite yellow pajamas.
“Why are you crying?””
I quickly wiped my cheeks.
“I'm okay, sweetheart.””
She studied my face.
“Did Daddy miss another dinner?””
My heart broke.
I crouched in front of her.
“Come here.””
She walked into my arms.
I held her tightly.
“Daddy is sick,” I whispered.
She pulled back.
“Like when I had the flu?””
I shook my head.
“No, honey. It's more serious.””
Her eyes widened.
“Does he need medicine?””
“Yes.””
“Then why doesn't he take it?””
I tried to find the right words.
“His doctors are giving him medicine. They're trying to make him better.””
Hazel looked down at her rabbit.
“Is that why he doesn't come to my school?””
I couldn't answer immediately.
She looked up again.
“Did I do something wrong?””
I pulled her into my arms.
“Oh, baby. No.””
I kissed the top of her head.
“Nothing you did caused this. Daddy loves you more than anything.””
She was quiet for a moment.
Then she whispered, “Can he still read me a bedtime story?””
I closed my eyes.
“I'm sure he would love to.””
Nolan came home just after nine.
Hazel was already asleep.
I heard the front door open and found him standing in the hallway, struggling to remove his coat.
I walked over.
“Let me help.””
He looked surprised.
“I can do it.””
“I know.””
I helped him anyway.
His face was thinner than it had been that morning. His movements were slower.
When he sat down on the couch, I noticed him pressing his palm against his abdomen.
“Pain?””
“A little.””
“Have you taken anything?””
“Not yet.””
I brought him his medication and a glass of water.
He swallowed the pills.
Then he looked at me.
“Did you tell Hazel?””
I nodded.
“How did she take it?””
“She asked whether she could still have bedtime stories.””
His eyes closed.
“Oh, God.””
“She also asked if she had done something wrong.””
Nolan immediately sat forward.
“What?””
“She thinks maybe you've been away because she did something.””
He pressed both hands against his face.
“I need to talk to her.””
“You will.””
“I need to explain.””
“You will, Nolan.””
He looked at me.
“Can I see her?””
I nodded.
He went upstairs.
I remained in the living room, listening to the floorboards creak beneath his steps.
A few minutes later, I heard Hazel's sleepy voice.
“Daddy?””
“Hey, princess.””
“Are you home?””
“I'm home.””
“Are you going to stay?””
There was a long silence.
Then Nolan answered.
“As long as I possibly can.””
I covered my mouth.
He stayed in her room for nearly an hour.
When he finally came downstairs, his eyes were red.
Hazel had fallen asleep with one hand wrapped around his finger.
He sat beside me.
“I promised her I'd be at her next school assembly.””
“Good.””
“I don't know if I can.””
“Then we'll figure it out together.””
He nodded.
For a while, we sat in silence.
Then he reached for my hand.
“Emily, there's something else.””
I turned toward him.
“What?””
He looked toward the stairs.
“The hospital knows about my diagnosis. But there's a reason I kept working.””
I waited.
“It's not just because I didn't want to tell you.””
He swallowed.
“Three months ago, I made a decision about my position at Fernwood.””
“What decision?””
He looked directly into my eyes.
“I signed an agreement transferring my surgical practice to Marcus.””
I frowned.
“Why would you do that?””
“Because I thought I wouldn't be able to return.””
I stared at him.
Then he added something that made my blood run cold.
“And the agreement includes a financial provision for Hazel that I haven't told you about.””
“What financial provision?””
Nolan reached for the envelope he'd brought home from the hospital.
He placed it on the coffee table.
“Before you read it, you need to understand why I signed it.””
He opened the envelope.
May you like
And the first page contained a number I had never expected to see.
*$2.4 million.*
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